But my tangible actions have to reflect that choice. This is my Grand Experiment of Faith.
Right now, the questions I keep coming back to are: Is it possible for me, Sameer, to be called a friend of God? Can I get to a place where when He sees me, He is able to say that I chase after His own heart? And, is there a chance that I can be so intimately linked up to Him that He shares with me things that He reserves for only a select few?
But are these things even real, and worth pursuing? I mean, pursuing as if they were palpable, attainable things – as much as I’ve pursued a college degree, or romantic love, or healthy living?
I am tired of everything in my life that doesn’t fully satisfy, doesn’t truly satisfy, doesn’t endlessly satisfy. And there are lots of good things here for me to enjoy:
→ a hot cup of tea on a leisurely morning
→ gourmet jellybeans
→ my favorite sports teams
→ success in my work
→ intimacy with my wife
But I still want more. And I don’t think it’s about me being content with what I have. Instead, I think it’s about what St. Augustine wrote in his Confessions: “You have formed us for Yourself, and our hearts are restless till they find rest in You.”
I get weary and burdened sometimes, and Jesus promises me rest. I scramble and grasp for something – anything – to fill me up and satisfy me completely, and Jesus promises me life to the fullest. But He makes clear that these things demand and depend on a deep, bi-directional relationship with Him. I’ve been there – so very close to Him, walking in step, feeling as if I were the apple of His eye, and being fully satisfied by that relationship with no other need or want. I’ve been there multiple times in my life. And I really want to get back.
So I’m getting after it this summer. The days keep slipping by. Frankly, the decades keep slipping by. There is no better time than the present. And I don’t think there is a more noble endeavor in which I can spend my time than this. Again, nothing else works. Nothing else even comes close. I know it. You know it.
The cool thing is, something tells me – deep down – that I won’t be disappointed.
I mean, those are promises to me. PROMISES. To me, to you, to anyone who choose to believe them and live them out. But we can’t fool Him. We can’t seek Him halfheartedly. Or even 99%-heartedly. I know. I’ve tried. Over and over again, I’ve tried.
And so as I begin to live this out wholeheartedly, I want to be able to answer “yes” to the following question when I lay my head down on my pillow each night:
Did I chase after Him today, more than I chased after anything else?
More than I chased after:
→ social connection
→ career success
→ popularity and fame
→ health and fitness
It’s going to be hard. Really hard. But I will know every night, after genuinely appraising my day. I’m up for that candid self-reflection. And the changes it prompts in my life.
God has provided instructions in the simplest of terms on what to do. And yet, I make it complicated. I just don’t want to do that anymore.
Thus begins my summer of seeking. It’s scary typing this out, because now I’m accountable to those who have cared enough to follow my blog, read my words, and hear my heartbeat through these entries. But I want this more than anything. Let me know if you want to join me, and we can keep each other accountable to do our part and watch Him do His. And make this the best summer ever.
Image source: http://bit.ly/24F8ywy